I wanted to write and say that I feel you close by me. I am amazed daily at the revelations that I am having. What is visiting me very
strongly is what you have been giving me all of these years. After living in this environment, I see that in everything you have given me and done with me, that you
have been mimicing a sane sustainable way to live.
I finally get it. I am stubborn. My ego so fearful of letting go of what it knew, has finally retreated to a manageable place. I see that by the way you have created
your life and home, work, relationship, that you have been mimicing a road map. The way you hold yourself in session, the way you eat, all of the arts of the Dakini
as a way of life reach me now. I get how outwardly focused I have been in my life and how insane that life I am so addictedly drawn to eats me alive.
I finally get that I can create from a different place and space that doesn't run me ragged. I finally get what you mean when you say that
you need to heal in the culture in which you were wounded. That makes so much sense now.
I write this to you because I want to share my gratitude for your courage and for still holding me through this wicked period. I am greatful more
than ever for the example that you and Alan are to me.
A loosening of fibers, one by one, a letting go, not severing the whole or each.
Such patience, so much love required, this is the work of Mother’s hands.
Her fingers smoothing, gently rubbing, disentangling, accepting knots as puzzles and not crimes;
allowing all the voices of disdain, of condemnation, threats, regrets, the lassitude, the judging ones, the witch.
Remaining there when fibers, long-entangled, now contort with pain of new release.
Almost too much to bear were She not there massaging each new strand until the wildness of release eases to a flow,
a rose and lemon sea anemone allowing the warm currents of life’s ocean play through the supple wildness of her hair.
Even then the bliss, the ease, the flow are interrupted by the slightest grasping for security.
The safety of the known is antithetical to this: pain grows from holding on, fear rushes in when letting go.
So easy to distract ourselves from both: consumption, mindlessness, excess of doing, getting, talking, moving.
Pausing for seconds injects a squirt of fear.
No room in this construct for prayer, for creativity, for deep connection, presence, gratitude or love.
Sometimes the most I can do is clean the kitchen – a lot rides on my taking pride in this small task or else the voice of judgment and damnation must deride my
failure to save the world today.
What to do?
A few small learnings might apply: don’t do, when doing seems most urgent.
Pause. Take in the urgency, the fear. Stroke them with loving fingers, especially if those fingers are your own.
Dance: invite your body to show you how to move the pain. Let music move you into flow.
Go out. Pour out your heart to trees, your tears into the loving basin of the Earth.
Listen to them; receiving love takes many forms.
Let theirs replenish you so full you overflow into the empty cracks, so moist and warm the dried up places, the cold corners of you begin to swell and melt into a
Prepare a mossy glen of you on which your heart can break (open), where you can greet its full despair with tenderness – your own.
Be still (the hardest one for some of us) after the shouting, weeping, dancing, gnashing furor of your self and wait without an expectation.
Let whatever messages arrive sink in.
Surrender to the very worst: such courage!
Trust (in this much agony?) that you already are your Mother’s hands whose fingers know how to loosen, one by one, with love and patience the knotted fibers of
In the chrysalis, the caterpillar melts before finding its colors and growing wings.
You really do amaze me in that so many hours of such focused and present energy with us (or whomever) doesn't wear you out. Although, I suppose when someone is
fully present, and doing what they love, there isn't so much of a line between work, life and play, so I can see how it feeds you instead of draining you. Anyway,
I'm so happy to have crossed paths with you, and I hope that your time with me in some way feeds you at least a tiny fraction of what it feeds me.
Peace and light,
thanks for leading me to insight.
Brooklyn, November 2009
The last session we had with you has lifted something so deep and I wanted to acknowledge you for the gift you have given both of us and me in particular. My heart
is open, feeling the beauty that surrounds me.
You know when we first met you here in Hawaii five years ago, there was something about you that both scared me and intrigued me. When Chris and I entered into
our year long sabbatical, you and I both gave our marriage under a ten percent chance of survival let alone any sort of revival. Our diligence, our deep deep love
for each other and your masterful art of relational healing has created a life I could not have dreamed of.
The confidence I feel, and it continues to grow, is infused with a humility and a joy that makes my walk on this earth plane lighter, lighter and lighter, as a
matter of fact Chris seems to think I am radiating more and more.
I know I have said this before and I will continue to say it, the healing you have orchestrated is simply astounding. I have not felt so relaxed in my body and as
I mentioned earlier, my heart is filled with utter beauty, honor and a love that comes from a well so deep and plentiful it is hard to not be humble.
I love you and appreciate you from the inner most temple of my being.
February, 2008, Sonoma.CA.
My life’s journey has been a challenging one. For me to admit this and to write those words out loud is a feat in and of itself. I have
struggled emotionally polarized for 35 years and this is finally shifting. I have sought various forms of therapy with professionals who have ostentatious degrees,
techniques and good intentions. At the end of the day, these pursuits never truly penetrated the depth of my sorrow or liberated the great life that lies in wait.
Perhaps these dalliances prepared me for the great adventure in healing that I would begin with Namae Ntumae in the spring of 2006 when I began to fall apart.
"Kava Christmas" created by DCD
Namae, whom I have grown to call my “Spiritual Mother”, is a being who embodies the true meaning of “Healer” in my experience. Having
worked in the healing arts myself for eight years and having been exposed to many on this path, I feel empowered to speak these words from a deep place of knowing and
experience. Again and again, Namae has guided me and held me through some of the most difficult transformations of my life.
Authenticity, skill, humor and devoted heart-felt care are cornerstones of her practice that have allowed me to unveil my soul and step into my own truth each step
of the way.
We have mapped some deep waters in session together where I have felt completely naked and vulnerable. Namae keeps close in these times knowing how important the
integration and consistent support is. This piece has built immense trust in me and given me a foundation to dive more deeply inward on my own and in session. Now I
see that this one piece is where traditional western therapy has failed for me.
Namae lives her own process. She is a liberator and does not create dependency. She mirrors, I integrate. She gives the tools, it is up to me to use them and
trust. She has taught me to track the sources of my contortions and the center of my truth and inspiration.
The gratitude that I experience, the privilege I have been graced with to have a guide such as Namae Natume brings me to tears as I write this. Of course I am
proactive on this journey because I am ready. I say this because Namae shows you how. She facilitates the process of giving yourself back to you. I find it a great
joy to work with her even in the roughest places where her hilarious sense of humor, wisdom and use of story help me to lighten up and enjoy the complexity of my
being. I begin to understand that the things that I struggle with are universal and this allows me to integrate and live more fully. I see myself becoming more
conscious, having more room and awareness of myself and others, becoming more loving and being more alive.
The love in Namae infuses me each step of the way. Her tool kit is full and she has been able to meet me each step of the way. The way in which she guides is
skilled artistry. I highly recommend her to anyone who is ready!
Spring 2007, San Francisco.